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Unequally Yoked? I Can Date Who I Want, Right?

WRONG!!!  The main purpose of this blog is to hit on unequally yoked relationships between Christians and unbelievers.

So let’s talk about the popular topic of relationships, which is a natural course of human nature.  God’s Word must be the standard by which we live EVERY aspect of our lives.  The problem is that we tend to try to “pick and choose” which areas of our lives we want to be guided by God and His Word, and which areas of our lives we want to guide ourselves.  Relationships seem to be one of the hot topics that we try to govern ourselves instead of following God’s outline in the Word.

So what does the Word say about unequally yoked relationships?  Well first off, Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:  for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?  and what communion hath light with darkness”?  This verse alone tells us that a Christian should NOT be dating an unbeliever.  Many object to this and try to rationalize it the best way they can.  You know...you’ve probably heard it before:  “I can change him” or “I can make her come to Christ and believe, right”?  WRONG!!!  God is the ONLY one that can change hearts.  Sister, you CANNOT change that man’s heart and make him follow Christ.  Brother, you CANNOT change that woman’s heart and make her follow Christ. 

Men and women are not do-it-yourself projects.  You can’t take a man or woman and sculpt them into who you want them to be or who you think they should be.  As a follower of Christ, Christ is your foundation and source of life.  If you are following hard after Christ and Christ is the center of your life, and this other person is still struggling with the existence of Jesus Christ as Savior, what do you have in common?  NOTHING!!  Or let’s say they “believe” in the existence of Christ, but don’t live for Him.  You still have NOTHING in common with that person (nothing of eternal value).  As a Christian, the Word of God is your standard for which you live your life.  So let’s say you’ve come to Christ, He has completely changed you from the inside out, and now you meet this guy who isn’t saved.  You stopped having sex outside of marriage (which is called fornication, and this is a sin), but this unsaved guy is constantly pressuring you to sleep with him.  So you compromise and have sex with him.  You see where I’m going with this?  As a Christian, your eyes are on Christ.  If a man or woman makes you take your eyes off Christ, that relationship is not right and it is not good for you.  A relationship should make you grow more in Christ.  That person should push you to Christ, encourage you, push you to study the Word, cover you in prayer, etc.  If your relationship is not pushing you to Christ, it is pulling you away!!  Don’t even start that relationship, because it is NOT worth it!

Another way people try to rationalize dating an unbeliever is this:  hey, I’m single and tired of being lonely and I need some company for a while.  Don’t even waste precious moments entertaining the idea of dating an unbeliever, no matter what your circumstances are.  You try to rationalize it by saying there are no Christian guys or girls in your area, so you must settle and date whomever, if only for a while. 

Well let me break this down:  unequally yoked relationships lead to unequally yoked marriages.  No marriage takes place without first starting at the relationship stage.  So if you date an unbeliever now, there are only two possible outcomes:  either you end up getting married and your marriage is unequally yoked OR you end up breaking up and more unnecessary damage is done to your heart and theirs. 

In marriage, two become one.  Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they shall be one flesh.”  Now let’s look at another scripture.  Second Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:  old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”  So when you heard the truth of the gospel and the Holy Spirit convicted your heart and drew you, you came to Christ, repented of your sins, received forgiveness, and now you are saved and a new creature.  Get it?  You are a new creature....a NEW creature.  Because you are a new creature, you must marry a new creature so that in your children, you can reproduce new creatures.  A NEW creature in Christ absolutely CANNOT just date an OLD creature who has not surrendered his or her life to Christ and is not living for Him.  Being a new creature in Christ is like being a new species.  In order for the new species to populate the earth, it must marry and reproduce with the new species so that the image of the new species is reproduced and flourishes.  You CANNOT afford to date and marry an OLD creature and become one with him or her!!!  Don’t become one with someone who has yet to become one with Christ.  It’s NOT worth it!!  Two “new” creatures who come together in marriage and reproduce can instill in those children the values of Christ and reproduce Christ’s image in the next generation.  Ladies, how can your man teach your one-day children the Word of God if he doesn’t know it?  Fellas, how can your lady teach your one-day children the Word of God if she doesn’t know it?  A “new” creature has NOTHING in common with an “old” creature.  The goal is to produce a generation of new creatures following after Christ, which is why we cannot date unbelievers.

Christians:  please hear me on this!  We have GOT to trust God to provide a mate for us.  As a single woman in Christ, my focus has to be on Christ, not trying to get a man.  How can God bring my husband if I’m constantly trying to write my own love story and keep dating all of these random unbelievers, knowing that they are pulling my heart away from God, making me compromise my standards, and knowing that these guys are not God’s best for me?  When God sees fit to bless me with my husband, it will happen, but ONLY in God’s timing, not my own.  Psalm 84:11 says, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield:  the Lord will give grace and glory:  no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”  If you do not have a husband or wife right now, trust God and know that when it is good for you to have one, He will provide.  God is our provider, so when the timing is right, He will provide.

God loves you with an everlasting love.  He desires to be the center and foundation of our lives.  He desires to be our greatest desire, our greatest delight, and our greatest devotion.  God longs to have a personal relationship with each one of you all, and He loves you all dearly!  Let our focus be on pursuing Christlikeness DAILY and spending time with Him daily through prayer and studying the Word!

My Testimony

I’m Janet, I’m 23 years old, and this is my testimony.

Revelation 12:11 – And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death (KJV).

What was my life like before I came to Christ?

I grew up in a loving, supportive home with both parents and an older sister.  I was in church every Sunday growing up.  I participated in so many church activities.  Every time the church doors opened, I was there....Sunday school, Bible study, vacation Bible school, church programs.  Growing up, I always identified myself as a Christian because I attended church and participated in all these activities, not even knowing that regular church attendance and church activities are just works, and works CANNOT save you. 

When I was 12 years old, I was so afraid of going to hell so I walked down the aisle, shook the preacher’s hand, and joined the church.  I thought I was saved and that I was okay, but in reality, I didn’t understand the Gospel and I didn’t understand that Jesus died for my sins so that I could have a relationship with God.  I didn’t have anyone at that time teaching me the Word of God or discipling me.  I was lost and didn’t even know it.

So let’s fast forward to high school.  I would say that high school was probably the WORST 4 years of my life.  I wasn’t the popular girl, the cheerleader, or on homecoming court.  I didn’t have a lot of friends.  I got teased a lot and picked on by kids at school.  9^th grade was pretty bad.  I got teased everyday for almost an entire semester by a group of guys because of the way I looked.  So because of all of this, I had very low self-esteem, I thought I was ugly, and I hated myself.  I didn’t get a lot of attention from guys in high school.  I didn’t have guys lined up at my door wanting to take me to the movies on a Friday night.  I wasn’t the girl that all of the guys wanted to take to the prom.

So I come to college Fall 2007, and I immediately noticed a difference.  In high school it seemed like no guys were interested in me, and now I come to college and guys seem to actually be interested in me.  I mean starting from week 1, I’m getting numbers from guys all the time, talking to this one, and that one, and that one over there....all at the same time.  I was hanging out in guys’ dorms whenever.  I mean I had freedom, and I was going crazy.  I cursed like a sailor.  I started trying to get into the whole party thing.  I was drinking a little bit here and there because I thought it would make me look cool.  Sex...I was getting me some.  I mean why not?  Everybody’s doing it.  I thought that it was okay to have sex with my boyfriend, even though we weren’t married.  I was living life TOTALLY apart from God, and I didn’t care.  You know why?  Because I was young and I wanted to live it up.  I was lost and on my way to hell.

So in October 2008, which was my sophomore year of college, I called myself “getting right” again, so I walked down the aisle again, shook the preacher’s hand, repeated some prayer, and I thought I was saved, yet I still didn’t understand the Gospel.  I bought a bible and started trying to read it.  I read it cover to cover, just to say that I’d completed it.  I didn’t read it for understanding and for intimacy with God.  I just read it to say I’d read it.  I started trying to change myself, but I couldn’t.  Nothing changed in my life.  I was still leading a sinful lifestyle, and there was NO fruit in my life that showed that I had truly repented from my sins. 

Matthew 3:8 – Bring forth therefore fruit meet for repentance (KJV)

On the outside, I appeared to be this “good girl, ”and when I compared myself to others, I wasn’t half-bad, but when I compared myself to God’s standards, I was a total wreck!  I put on this façade like I was the “good, Christian girl” and that I loved God, but my lifestyle showed that I hated God.  I wasn’t being obedient to God’s commands, and in reality I loved my sin and I hated God.

John 14:21 – He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me:  and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him (KJV).

For the entire 4 years of my college career, I defined myself by my relationship status.  I just HAD to have some guy in my life.  From Day 1 up until a few months before graduation, I ALWAYS had some guy in my life.  The longest time period in which I didn’t have some guy in my life was probably 2 months.  I just had to have somebody.  Because I wasn’t used to receiving this kind of attention from guys in high school, I came to college and was desperate for this male attention.  I was thirsty for male attention when I should have been thirsting for Christ.  Thirsting for men left me dehydrated, but now that I thirst for Christ, I’m satisfied because He is the ONLY one that can quench my thirst.  I looked for a man to complete me, when in reality, no human can EVER complete me.  No human died on the cross for our sins to pay the price.   Only Christ did that, so only He can complete us.

I graduated from college May 2011.  It was during that summer after I graduated that God convicted my heart.  I knew something was missing in my life, and I felt empty.  I realized that God was the ONLY one who could fill those voids in my life.  God convicted my heart, and I realized that I didn’t know Him and that I wasn’t living a life that was pleasing to Him.  It was then when I became intentional about having a relationship with God and spending time with Him through prayer and reading the Word.  God FINALLY got me alone.  There weren’t any more guys coming in and out of my life taking up the spot that God deserves.  I started noticing God working out so many things in my heart.  The sinful desires that I once had, He took those away.  He started molding me in the image of Christ, and I started to actually live this thing out, and I started seeing fruit in my life.  On October 30, 2011, I was baptized and publicly identified myself with the body of Christ.  Now that I look back and see just how much God has done in my heart from then until now, I can’t help but be grateful and thankful that the blood of Christ is powerful enough to cleanse me from all the sins and faults of my past.  All the glory goes to Him!  I now realize that I am NOTHING without Christ.  My identity is found in Him and Him ALONE!

It’s now that I understand the Gospel.  I now understand that God is perfect and holy, and that He hates sin and because He hates sin, now I must hate sin.  Because of my sin and because I was born a sinner, I deserve death and eternal damnation, but because Christ died on the cross and paid the penalty for my sins, I now have eternal life and I’ll spend eternity in heaven with God.  I couldn’t work for my salvation or earn it.  Works alone didn’t have the power to save me. 

Ephesians 2:8-9 – For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves:  it is the gift of God:  Not of works, lest any man should boast (KJV).

The only assurance that I have of my salvation is my faith in Christ and my faith that the work He did on the cross is the ONLY sufficient payment for my sins.  Christ is the only way to have a relationship with God. 

John 14:6 – Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life:  no man cometh unto the Father, but by me (KJV).

The Gospel is the most important truth you’ll ever hear in your life.  The world will have you thinking that life is about the drinking, drugs, partying, sex, living it up, YOLO, etc.  But that’s not life...that’s bondage.  Christ came to set you free from that bondage.  Truly living is dying to yourself, taking up your cross daily, and following after Christ. 

Luke 9:23- And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me (KJV).

True life begins when your life ends, and you become a new creature in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:  old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new (KJV).

So now I can say that I am a new creature in Christ.  I can proudly say that I am no longer in bondage to ungodly relationships, and I am remaining abstinent until marriage!  I’m no longer relationship hopping, I’m super single and complete in Christ, madly in love with Christ, and WAITING on the man that God has for me.  I’m a living testimony as to how God can truly change a life!